Felix's Birth
Woke up on Saturday the 23rd of April with little niggly pains that came every ten minutes on the dot. Thought 'excellent, no induction for me today' and went back to sleep. Was woken up by the phone ringing a couple of hours later and during the conversation noted that the pains had become considerably worse, which was even more promising. Sadly they stayed at every ten minutes for the rest of the day but I didn't much care at this point as I had been reprieved from hospital and wasn't exhausted at this stage. Was looked over by a midwife who declared me in very very early labour but added that nothing interesting was really happening. Went for a long walk on Clifton Downs to try and get something started but to no avail.
Sunday involved more of the same although we were both really tired by mid afternoon due to the pains preventing me from sleeping. Started to get really stressed as they became more painful and called out another midwife who examined me and depressed me further with the news that NOTHING had changed and there had been no dilation at all despite the fact that I was having to do controlled breathing and was really tired and restless. She also annoyed me by taking the piss out of Scottish accents, being totally negative about the whole thing, not knowing who Saint George was and then conducting a loud conversation about my progress (which compared me unfavourably to the last person she delivered 'who only took an hour' thus prompting competitive rage) in the hall outside our flat so all our neighbours could hear. Decided that I hated her with a passion. Pains carried on all day until I decided in the middle of the night that I just couldn't face having a home birth after all due to being knackered and an almighty wuss. Reasoned that if non eventful pains were causing me such upset then I wasn't going to be able to deal with the real thing without at least some pain relief. Was also worried about how tired we both were and decided that hospital might be safer in the circumstances. Begged to be admitted but was told not to darken their doors until the pains were coming five minutes apart. Walked around a lot cursing until this objective had been achieved and then gathered together stuff and CDs and headed off in the rain at four am.
Got to the birthing suite, which is the low key section of the delivery unit and was taken to a big en suite room which made us giggle a lot about 'fetish hotels' and the atheist ran around looking for the tea and coffee making facilities. Was examined at about five am and told that I was effaced (the cervix was thin) and about two centimetres dilated so therefore not in labour as yet. This was disheartening but I cheered up when I was pointed at the direction of the gas and air although she clearly thought I was going to be in for a long time as I was advised not to use it unless strictly necessary.
Was left alone until the eight am shift change when I acquired the world's scariest midwife. She ordered me around quite a bit which went down quite badly as suddenly I was contracting every two minutes and often with no space in between. Resorted to the gas and air which rarely left my hands and started to panic a bit. Got in the bath and had a contraction so horrible that I was practically screaming - not to mention furious because my precious entonox was in the other room. Not that I had become dependant on it at all. No. Midwife came back and ordered me to hang over the back of the bed as I was feeling enormous pressure as though the baby was about to fall out but she thought it was just because he was in a bad position plus he was a bit big. Was confused at this point as my usual, hated, midwife had been telling me along that he was in a great position and he was only average size. I hate her. She LIES. Started to shout at Dave to go away and became quite mutinous and unwilling to be touched. Thought I might be in transition at this point but decided not as it was all too quick and I didn't think I had progressed very much and nor did the midwife seem to. Pain became so bad that I begged to be allowed to sit down which was swiftly followed by begging for pethidine. Managed to be examined despite constant contractions and the midwife was amazed to find that I was nine cm dilated already which also meant no pain relief for me. I went into total shock and everyone shouted at me because I started to panic plus I also had an overwhelming, uncomfortable urge to push which they kept telling me to ignore.
The midwife went out of the room and at that instant my waters literally exploded over the bed. Dave hit the button thing and suddenly everything went batshit. I started pushing because I just couldn't help it and she took one look at me, went 'OH SHIT!' and started running around hitting the button thing as well. At this point apparently I started to lose it totally and kept asking what was happening to me to which they kept shouting 'You are in labour, now try and pull yourself together'. Was forcibly told to stop pushing and then all of a sudden Felix was there with us, having pretty much delivered himself. It was all over in about an hour from the first really horrible contraction to the moment he was born, which was great but also left me completely shaken and unable to believe what had happened. To be honest it didn't even really hurt that much, it was just the feeling of pressure that was unbearable.
At this point we realised he was very grey and still and I feared the worst. He had a quick nip of oxygen though and started crying which was just the most wonderful sound ever. I don't know what was wrong with him but they told me that the speed at which he was delivered had probably shocked him quite a bit. Was upset to find out that he only scored six apgar points at first, which isn't too great but he was a ten within five minutes so that was good. He was beautiful from the very first - big and plump with lots of dark hair and very alert. He has rather cracked, blue hands and feet though as a result of being two weeks late. The most amazing thing is that beyond that one brief cry we only heard him whimper once - he seemed totally happy to be here and was already an expert and enthusiastic breastfeeder, which was brilliant. :)
So yes, had an examination and once again I win because for the third time now I didn't tear or need stitches. Which was amazing considering his size and the fact that I was all over the place. Spent the day gazing rapturously at our new son and ministering to his every whim before we were given the all clear and packed off home at fourish. It was totally bizarre just walking out of the hospital with him - it still seems really weird that they just let you go like that with such a precious little bundle.
